Larvatus Prodeo: A four-cannon salute

Sad news as the good ship Larvatus Prodeo hoists anchor and departs the waters immediately to our south.

Fort Solor duly issues four-gun salute. Sargento da Costa... Dispara!

In addition, Tenente Amilcar has already boarded our caravel A Infanta Beatriz, to harrass any Holandes who may impede her path. (If you spot him, FFS tell him not to lose our ONLY breech-loading swivel gun, like last time I sent him to New Holland).

Anyways, since its probably not the time to start linking to fave posts over there, allow me to highlight this oldie but goodie  from the heady days of 2005. Larfs! (Especially from about post #50 on as the booze kicked, in two states).

Well done all those who wrote the posts over at LP. I only ever wrote one from memory - mostly sat around capping off in the comments. I wouldn't like you to think I wasn't grateful!

And so, I charge a parting glass of Douro Red: Saude!

I could eat a plate twice...

Liamista goes Luso (like...finally!) and plates up a bossa feijoada at his new blog.

Fort Solor duly issues four-cannon salute, over at Orange Juice and Ryvita

Viva!

Autobloganhedonia

Its Latin, for 'profound loss of interest in own blog'.

What to do when Autobloganhedonia strikes??

Reform, or revolution?

Quit, or rekit?

New Fort Design poll!

Seems Lt Amilcar got on the beetle-nut while was I was out briefly (shoring up allegiances among the Topasses, and looking for Sandlewood). He's redesigned the entire fort.

Check the starboard bow, Marineiros, its a new poll!

Natal Feliz

Yes, it's that time of year when I offer BmL readers a hearfelt awkward blokey handshake/forced backslap/ "how about them [insert sports team]" combo.

Which is about as warm as it gets in the highly competitive and ever-so-slightly Aspergic Portuguese Forts in Asia scene.

As you know, we aim to make your blogging experience every bit as comfortable as meeting your new dad-in-law at the Cronulla RSL.

But seriously: Natal Feliz.

May all your forts be Luso-Asian.

Can't think of a new post...

...cos I blew all my good material on facebook. But in the most lame-ass of comedic traditions, let us now ask "so....what's with that??".

I guess its a bit like fast-food, or 20-20 cricket. An instant gratification pigout that leaves you belching, bloated, yet ultimately dissatisfied. Not that blogging is exactly the French slow-food movement - but I do find that ideas I might previously have turned into blog posts (and thus subjected to a more sustained reflection in blog comments) now get frittered away on a quick farcebook update.

Which incidentally, I now refer to as 'Slide Night'. My theory is that farcebook is - in effect - a high-tech socially acceptable version of boring your friends senseless with pics of what you did on yer holidays. Except that they don't HAVE to look at them. In that sense, it fits neatly with shallow neo-liberal consumerist notions of 'choice' and 'liberty': it's all complete rubbish, but you get to choose which sandwich de merde is pret-a-porter.

Or am I reading too much into it? I've never Twittered. I can only imagine that's worse.

100th Post Commemorative Yabber

You know, when first my Caravel navigated these bloggy waters, armed with nothing but an Astrolabe, orders from the Leal Senado in Macau, and a rough Portolan of the last known voyage of Eredia (handed me by a marooned Marineiro in Solor), it was impossible to tell what adventures might lay at the end of the cartographer's wind-rose.

So many forts in Asia, so many lattes, and so many forts in Asia later, and... sadly... os meus amigos, its time to hang up ye old blogging mouse, and sail into the unknown waters of Luca Antara.

Hoho, just kidding! What a classic blog cliche, the threatened departure! As if. You and I both know the Portuguese forts in Asia scene has never been hotter. And I didn't come this far to yield the parapets and hoist my lateen sail for Lisbon, just because of some pesky lack of widespread interest in my deliberately obscure blog. You didn't see the Forte São João Baptista administrators abandon their post, just because they controlled less than 100 sq foot of territory, and no one sent them a letter for 200 odd years, did you?

No, and likewise, we're made of sterner stuff here at BmL.

Instead, let's dwell briefly on life as a small blog. Here's some random stats, in lieu on any actual desire on my part to analyse it properly.

Days since first post: 588. That's a post every 6 days. So don't tell me I never get ya nuthin!
Number of visitors: 4279. That's a massive average 7.3 per day! Those stats don't include me either - only genuine vistors. Somebody call google ads, we've got a live one!
Number of comments: 460. Subtracting the 40% that are mine (which is how it tends to go) that's a monster 2.7 punter comments per post. Mother, hire a letter-opener!
Record number of post comments: 24. Twice! Renegotiate the 1856 border, Capitão, this enclave ain't big enough!
Number of CPLP Countries on my counter: 4 full members (Portugal, Brazil, Mozambique, East Timor); 1 associate member (Macau); and 1 associate observer (Senegal).

Aos novos fortalezas! Até a vitória sempre!

Auto-reply: Out of Office

BmL is currently out of the office, and at large in the region. Any urgent matters can be raised via the fort-gate comments & suggestions box, below, and will be attended to by a special intergovernmental taskforce, in due season.

New Favourite Blog!

Here at BmL, we're having a party! Inviting all our friend!
(We've only one, but she's a larf, she lets us all attend).

Namely, our new favourite blog: Strange Maps. Check out this marvellous specimen of Salazarist craziness, for starters.

And while you're at it, ooh, its the E-cyclopedia of Portuguese Expansion.

(Don't wait up honey, I may be some time.)

Worldometer

Ever wanted to keep an eye on the world's daily population growth? Keep abreast of the tonnes of CO2 gas emitted today? The amount of water consumed, or renewable electricity produced? The number of days left to the 'end of oil'? Or quantity of bicycles produced? The number of undernourished, or obese people? The number of blog posts, or emails sent?

No? Well check out the Worldometer anyway. And watch it all click over, before your very eyes.

On Pseudonymous Blogging

Every now and again the issue of pseudonymous blogging gets thrown around. For or against! Why aren't you 'accountable' etc? I've had that a couple of times - and I've seen it laid on other noms-de-plume when things get heated in blog debates. I'm not sure its a very good line of approach with anyone in that situation. I mean, who the crap is "Harry Smith" (his own ACTUAL name etc), after all?

I certainly don't criticize anyone who chooses to blog under their real name - I admire them in fact. It shows a certain durable surety of personhood: i.e. in all weathers I will write exactly as I will be pleased to account for in the cold light of day, tomorrow morning.

Screw that! I blog pissed too often to want that sort of straitjacket, thanks. And to be honest: I work as an academic, and would certainly be a lot more restrained on some issues, if blogging under my own name.

Is that inauthentic of me? I don't think so - in fact, I rather think the opposite. I work all day in an environment that requires some methodological rigour. I might be good, bad, or indifferent at it, but as you might imagine, I don't write like this in journal articles. Nor do I rant at max velocity (of four spelling errors per line) at my students, like I sometimes will on the big blogs. Me, I come blogward to blow off steam, relax, shoot the shit, have a larf. And sure, to say what I really think - albeit in a bone lazy way.

And that's my point, against the occasional charges of inauthenticity: blogging under my own name would, I fear, ultimately make me less honest. Precisely because it would make me more 'accountable'.

And you know, I didn't come here to be brought to account. So sue me!

That said, any moniker does tend to have the effect of creating a character over time. In my case, Lefty E (formerly know as Lefty Elitist, before the forces of evil were routed in the culture wars *wink*) is probably more of mannered, idiosyncratic character than I am in person. But hey, I've grown to like him - and the Keating Towers of his mind, in which he dwells.

Incidentally, he's not so big on Portuguese Forts in Asia - the wanker! That's me. Whoever I am. Not that its that hard to find out, I imagine. But lets face it, its all more fun this way, wouldn't you say, Harry?

Boom Boom

Well, muchachos, it's that time of year isn't it. I must admit, I'm quite pro-December. End-of-year get-togethers, and seasonal pissups, as summer's long nights and social calenders collide in that month-long inexorable charge to..... the eruption of barely suppressed family tensions over Xmas lunch.

Its been a splendid time blogging in the company of such fine compañeros this year. Why, I even received my first Viagra spam on the blog today. And they said we'd never make it!

So, here's cheers et salutations saisonnières from BmL, home of the France Gall Appreciation Society (Bureau de l'Australie) wishing all of you un gran latte for the party season. Personally, I've been warming up for seasonal soirees with this track, one of my France Gall faves, and a splendid piece of 60s jazz-pop: Boom Boom (1966).

Entonces, felicidades a todos.

Credits roll until 0.30.

Quiz time!

Guess where I took this photo. (Click for hi-res).
Winner will be declared November's Capitão do Fortaleza, here at BmL.

UPDATE: Hordes of disgruntled NCOs denied as Capitão Fyodor seizes the parapet; correctly identifying the Comunidades dos Países de Língua Portuguesa (Community of Portuguese Language Nations - CPLP) office in Rua de São Caetano, Lisbon. All hail!

"Asia/Pacific Region"?

Ok, you internet heads, I've got a question. You may have noticed my Neocounter below. Frankly, I get very excited every time a new country appears. I can't wait to see the new flag scroll up. Which will it be? Luxembourg? Paraguay? The more obscure the better. Preferably a member of the CPLP (Comunidade dos Países de Língua Portuguesa) countries, thanks. A really tiny one like São Tomé e Príncipe would do nicely.

So tonight, I saw the magic number had gone up one digit. I waited with baited breath, only to discover it was "Asia/Pacific Region". Huh?

My only thought: Is it a non-self-governing Pacific territory? Like Tokelau or something? Or could it be Norfolk Island? Or American Samoa? I'm assuming it would have to be somewhere without its own url country suffix.

Any thoughts folks?

Liberated from ***, and more Portuguese in Asia

Not much of a tech-nerd, me, but let me tell you: my whole system is soooo much smoother and faster since I uninstalled [forced update: a certain browser which appears to bug those who dare criticise it].

I don't mean 'ceased using it'. I did that a while back in favour of Mozilla. I'm talking uninstalled. It's like a new machine. Huzzah!

Now, back to the main game: so, there I was, in this bakery in Kyoto, buying some bread for Little Miss LE when I hear the shop assistant say "pow" - in reference to the well-known leavened flour of yer familiar western variety.

"What the...!" thought I, excitedly. Like you, no doubt, my immediate thought was: That's gotta be straight up Portuguese from 16th century trade contact. That word, Sir, is none other than pão!

And indeed it was. You'll be relieved to know I've since located this handy-dandy page, and you'd be amazed at the number of Portuguese words in Japanese.

However, arigato is not one of them. Lot of myths that this is related to obrigado - but I'm going to have to let you down gently here. It ain't so.

Anyway, as if all that wasn't cool enough, there was a massive Brazilian festival on too. Loads of Brazilian guest workers there of course, many with Japanese ancestry. The ATMs all have Portuguese language options.

Do you see how this is all coming together? Finally?

Wi-Fi: The Great Leap Backwards

...for public internet access.

Couldn't help but notice on my recent trip the Japan that most of the touted 'internet cafes' were closed, and replaced by Wi-Fi instalments. The guide book - the latest one - was out of date in most cases. but only by a month or so.

Now, I know Wi-Fi is all bells and whistles etc. But frankly, its a royal pain in the ass. It has this air of increasing internet access, but it doesn't really. It increases private internet use in public - not public internet access. It's actually killing that stone dead.

Indeed, I'd say the internet hasn't been this inaccessible since about 1996. Welcome to the great leap backwards. That's the last time I remember a medium sized, cosmopolitan city like Kyoto having, say, one or two public internet places. So unless you're dragging your own terminal around with you (and let's face it laptops are not cheap), you're increasingly screwed.

I actually own one myself, but who wants to drag it around on a holiday? Not me. But am I still and email junkie? Of course I am.

But more broadly, wasn't there once some idea of public access to the www? The info superhighway? Global connectedness etc? Paying a modest buck and getting some tube-time as global citizen, on the cheap? Forget it. That idea's dead. And unlike telephones, the state never did have a stake in the technology, so there's not even a residual welfare-style system - as there is with public phones.

I doubt the global gulf between the wired and unwired has ever been greater.

Secrets on the interwebs

I don't know about you, but I find this page kinda groovy. People write secrets on postcards and send them in for interwebment, by erm .... interwebbers.

Quarter-arsed blogging

Is this one of the lamest, least-attended blogs of all time? Vote now!

Update: Cripes, I can't even work out how to put a comment on here myself, to give the illusion of traffic. Seems an unnecessarily complex procedure, oh bloglord of google.

Test

Welcome to Bite My Latte.

This is a test post.