I don't know about you, but I reckon its high time we thought of a better word for one's main squeeze, when you aren't the marrying kind.
Now, if you're married, no problemo. 'Husband' and 'wife' are fine old terms if you ask me. Stood the test of time.
But for those of us who aren't into marriage (and let's face it, that's now a bunch of us - possibly a working majority for all I know) the options are poor.
I'm sorry, but I find the contemporary frontrunner 'partner' so completely lameass, I cringe every time I even think of it.
'Howdy, partner! Soooo-eeee!'
'Defacto' tends to run in second, but that sounds like you're making do until something better and more formal comes along; presumably a de jure occupant of your bed.
Recently, I've gone back to 'girlfriend', after dropping it some time back in the early 90s. Its mainly for a laugh, in explicit rejection of you-know-what, but secretly, I quite like it. It makes me feel youthful as well, and has done wonders for my complexion.
But really, I can't keep trotting that out for the mother of my child.
....OR CAN I??!!!
Alternatives welcome.
29 comments:
Tricky. My lady friend and I are both about 60, so "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" seem ... inappropriate.
"Partner" certainly doesn't work either. Aside from it being, as you've pointed out, lame, we don't cohabit.
David Irving (no relation)
When my partner/de facto/girlfriend and I decided that I should formally hold a stake in our house, of which she was up to then sole registered owner, I went along to the Titles Office to find out about the formalities. A very helpful public servant in his early sixties, with a cream shirt and brown cardigan, took me through the intricacies of the Transfer form, explaining at one point "You just sign here. And your...er...ladyfriend can sign here".
Yes, you're right David: partner does imply co-habitation. Another limitation!
'Ladyfriend' sounds kinda saucy and fly-by-night, Anithony. In a good way too!
Does de-fuckto do it for you? Nor me, but if not then what? Bloke suits me on most occasions, bloke doesn't have a problem with this intro either.He always refers to me by my name not my status.
Although it doesn't work for the number one, I'm not averse to referring to her relatives as (eg) my parents in common law.
Well, as I alluded in the post madgranny, de-fuckto sounds a wee bit like a stop-gap situation.
Yep Martin, no probs with the rellie nomenclature. Im thinking of mi compañera para numero una - English just isn't working out!
Incidentally, I don't normally like to be a pedant (but since I *know* you'll approve) - its "at" common law. As opposed to "in" equity - the other branch of judge-made law.
This boring legal nicety is one of the reasons I get referred to as "hey loser" by my better third (our weight adjusted reference)
Beloved always worked for me, as partner brought to mind a tennis match or law firm.
I quite like that one too, Prudence; and yes, it must be rather awkward for business and legal partners to intro up these days.
So many disadvantages. Let's slap a ban on it!
On your point though - does anyone think the pre-existing meaning gives us a clue to its contemporary use? Have the co-mortgage payment and co-childcare business aspects of relationships overtaken the whole show? I dunno. SOUNDS like it.
We use partner for the lack of anything better, except when occasionally he chooses to go with "common law wife". The appalled looks on strangers' faces only encourages him :)
Common Law Wife - that does sound de jure.
You've really got to pick your moment, but "my current partner" can be quite teh larfs!
She's my Lady Friend, I'm her Man.
Partner makes it sound like everybody's gay. NTTAWWT, o'course.
Or accountants, FDB.
NTTAWWT!
Bit silly, this one.
Either marry the bint or go French and call her your woman. You know you want to - you'll feel ever so naughty.
BTW, the French expression for "de facto" or "common law wife" is concubine, which is likewise spectacular.
'Bint' is nice Fyodor! is that Russian for sweetheart?
Now concubine is saucy, in a Bernaisian vein.
wv: 'jousi'. Mais oui!
"Incidentally, I don't normally like to be a pedant (but since I *know* you'll approve) - its "at" common law. As opposed to "in" equity - the other branch of judge-made law."
The intention of the epithet is more to be linguistically clever than legally precise, but I'll bear your pedantry in mind :-)
"'Bint' is nice Fyodor! Is that Russian for sweetheart?"
Nah, that's факнакл.
WV: "femidere". Zang!
I've been giving this further thought.
I've always thought "better half" sounde a bit patronising (and slightly twee).
You could always go retro and refer to her as "the missus".
David Irving (no relation)
LOL. Voila, je présente ma femidere!
And Martin, remember the old bumper-sticker epithet:
'Pedants do it *properly*'
I had settled upon 'boyfriend', regardless - but being now legally entitled to use the word 'husband', I can confirm that it actually has a tang of the deliciously inappropriate about it. I hope that takes a really long time to wear off.
Excellent Lucy. Its one of the better arguments for getting married I am aware of; you get good terminology. We use husband/wife anyway, where convenient, eg where we cant be bothered explaining ... booking hotels, travel etc.
At this point I'm pretty much giving up on English to solve this one. The Spanish options look more promising...
Lover
I dont know about you guys, but Id feel like a bit of twit publicly referring to mon squeeze as "my lover". Makes it sound too breathily serious and intense.
Yep. Definitely bunny-boiler territory, unless you pronounce it ironically - e.g. "loveurh" - for comedic effect, but that probably won't go down too well with government functionaries.
You've landed yourself in quite a pickle, monsieur, with your wild & crazy approach to pair bonding.
You got that right Fyodor! Ive given meself the scares on this thread.
I think I'll play safe and just introduce her by name from now on.
Lefty E
Don't faint, but on this thread we celebrate our inaugural agreement on any subject.
'Partner' is horrid. It sounds like you are in business together or you are gay and are being coy. I too am a great fan of boy/girlfriend. However, b/g/f does have a whiff of impermanence about it. My grandparents, aunts, and uncles used to ask, "now Johnnie have you got a girlfriend at the moment'?
In circumstances such as your own where you are both cohabiting and raising children might I suggest you refer to her as your "missus" or "mate" and "the mother of my/our children".
Ah, Greenfield. Bemvindo fortside - and it is neither the first nor last time common enemies bring erstwhile foes to the table. We even briefly hosted Spaniards (*spits*) - to oust the French interlopers in 1806.
yeah, I dont mind missus at all. Mate seems a bit too blokeoid. For some reasons too, I always imagine people having really boring & predictable sex with their "partner"; while whoopin it up with their b/g/friend. IS that wrong? :0
If you are a builder or plumber or real estate agent and refer to "my partner" people will expect it's the other person who does the planning and bookwork for the business.
If you are an academic or/and live in the inner burbs people assume "my partner" is your current live-in person of either gender who has been in the house longer than 18 months but possibly not more than 5 years. Ex partner means the 5 years was up.
If you are male a refer to "my little friend" with a wink or raised eyebrow then people will assume its a younger guy who you've had a thing with for more than 3 months but less than 18 months.
Girlfriend means you are under 20 or if older having a bit on the side (or top or whatever)and she doesn't live-in.
Main squeeze implies there are other lesser squeezes.
Missus, old cheese, 'er indoors, swmbo, etc means you are probably a brit import who wears shorts and a came here for the sunshine.
De-facto is only used if you are charged with neglecting the kids or caught selling low grade speed.
One that caught on a bit in some circles is "the handbrake". As in " I was planning to go out, shopping for a new bull bar for the ute, then for a counterie with Ken and Gary then off to the footy and then to a few pubs, but then the handbrake found out and slowed me down"
Ms FX solved it charmingly in the early days by referring to me as "this guy I know"
I like "the handbrake" FXH! And yes, defacto does have low-level criminal associations, in the sense that its a purely rational-legal descriptor without any emotion.
I this maybe a late but think this is simple and works.
My Man, My Woman.
This is my Man. This is my Woman.
This is my Husband. This is my Wife.
I now pronounce you Man and Woman.
No we are not police, we are a couple.
He's your boyfriend, I thought you said he was forty? You are lovers, does your Wife know your having an affair? She's your girlfriend now, your ex-girlfriend later, My Woman will be by my side until I die.
My partner is a man, so he's my Man.
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